Audio Terrorism and the Spicy One
I spent time with a silent, thoughtful Mild Child this weekend. My introverted 11 year old niece Millie came to stay with me for three relaxing days.
(*writer pauses to look long wistfully out the window, shaking her head*)
It was too easy.
I'm sure she was on her best behavior, so far from home. But I can confidently say, other moms live a much less complicated life than you. She was up for whatever I wanted. Life was Quiet and Slow.
We strolled through the aquarium. She asked if I might buy her something when we visited the gift shop. I said “No. I spent our fun budget on the entry ticket” and she said, “Okay.” She simply replied, “Okay.” End of story. No theatrics or explosive tears.
We snuggled while watching her favorite Anime: Spirited Away and then listened to a podcast that explained what the heck I just experienced. We had deep conversations. She introduced me to my new favorite creature - the Axolotl.
This one is pretend (and way too large) but these endangered salamanders exist in Mexico!
The difference in being with this ethereal human and what it was like with my LOUD AF child, at the same age, was profound.
When my Spicy One was a tween, life was a clanging barage of sound. Hamilton Broadway songs blaring from the speaker. Doors slamming in frustration or excitement. Screams of glee at the news of a friend's birthday party. Raging shout crying when a friend excluded her.
At some point each day, I would crawl into my bedroom to lay prone, the lights off and the sound machine cranked. Insisting no one touch me or talk to me for 30 minutes while I “napped."
My friend Megan gets it. She has a seven-year-old, whose voice is just one octave away from breaking glass.
“MRS. VAN GEFFEN?!!!!” her child screeches in her polite but brittle voice. “CAN I PLEASE HAVE SOME LEMONADE??” I feel for her mother - who by the way looks unfazed. Moms of a Spicy One have to accept the things we can’t control.
When my Spicy One was little, my mother-in-law gave us a book that was as insulting as it was informational. I searched for it to share a link but thankfully it’s out of print. It was about a little girl whose voice volume dial came at Too High a Factory Setting. She learned to touch her heart-space and use her intention to turn it down.
My MIL struggled with the loud baseline volume of her constantly talking grandchild. “YaYa, your volume is at 10 out of 10.” she said one day to my exuberant child. My MIL held a TV remote control to underscore her point. “Can you turn your voice down to a five for me?” Her grandmother was doing the Lord’s work, but if there was a change, it didn't last.
Mostly I, the mother, had to create environments and daily rhythms that helped me be Okay with the front seat I occupied on my vibrant child full frontal exuberance.
>>> For more ideas for finding peace when the situation is chaotic, watch Calm class.
Many kids, with the passing of time, will naturally lower their volume to a more socially acceptable, moderate level. But isn’t that sad in some ways? Your child will literally learn to dampen their voice. The world will make them get smaller.
Meanwhile, we Moms of Spicy Ones live with the embarrassment of never flying under the radar in public. Joy and sadness are equally cringy when our child feels them so comprehensively.
Changing the environment can help. Imagine, raising your kid in the Peruvian jungle where their screeches and shouts blend in with the cacophony of frogs and rain. You wouldn’t bat an eye. You would adore your little Tarzan. Meanwhile, when you take your 5 year old to Dollar Tree to get Halloween stuff and she is yell-talking to everyone like a drunk girl in the bar bathroom at 1 am, you might feel humiliated. Your life is beautiful and it is loud.
Here are some crowd-sourced tips from other Moms of Spicy Ones. I wish you so much luck and earplugs.
Thoughts? If you have a reaction to this newsletter or a trick up your sleeve for handling the loud, don't your dare keep it from me. Click here and share your genius in the comments. (I changed my Insta settings to allow you to comment even if you aren't an Instagram follower. My newsletter readers are the ultimate followers!)
Rooting for you,
Mary