But everyone else has a phone. I’m left out!
I remember the first time my child got ensnared in a group texting situation. The gaggle of 8th graders in this thread were ecstatic to finally have the ability to communicate outside of school. Their immature enthusiasm led them to “bomb the chat” with multiple links to questionable memes and long, confusing and irreverent opinions of their teachers.
My introverted mild child began to feel the burden of checking his texts many times an afternoon. (He wasn't allowed to take the iPad to school.)
I would see him slouched at the kitchen counter where the device was kept, his slumped shoulders showing that it had become a burden rather than a delight. After a couple of weeks of seeing the phone light up at midnight (long after he was in bed), I realized that this group chat was not healthy for my child.
So, I made the hard decision to insist that he remove himself from the chat. Needless to say, he was not happy with me.
I felt emboldened to set that hard limit because there is a mental health crisis among young people.
Study after study links smartphone and social media use at young ages to mental health concerns. The younger the age of introduction, the worse the mental health that is reported among young people today. Read this and this for more details.
Even though it seems like everyone around us does it, keep in mind that you are parenting for the long game, for that conversation where your 25-year-old says, “Thank you for protecting me from all that junk and letting me be a kid.”
How you might set that boundary even though your child will likely be very disappointed:
“My job as your parent is to keep you safe. I want you to have fun and feel connected to your friends. Your desire to have a phone makes SO much sense. But, just like I can’t let you drive a car until you are 16, or own a weapon, or eat candy for your meals - I also can’t give you a smartphone. It can feel disappointing and like you are missing out, but you can do hard things. We can keep talking about this and brainstorming how to get your social needs met but the rule isn’t changing. We are going to walk with you through it all. I am open to talking about what you are missing out on and looking at what technology might bridge the years of middle school”
We can allow our children to do difficult things when we know it is for their highest good.
For $25 off the Gabb phone my child used, go here and use the code SPICYONE. See a list of other smartphone alternatives here!
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