Throat farting on my girls weekend

I’m writing to you on a dark plane flying home from Nashville after an illuminating weekend with a group of friends I made on the Internet. Can I process it with you?

The five of us originally met on Instagram, though we’ve been formally zooming and texting for a year. Leading up to this weekend, I had only met one of the ladies in real life. I couldn’t stop wondering what could go wrong.

It felt like I was heading into an ideal setting for a modern murder mystery.

Let me walk you through the narrative in my head…

Five attention-starved, online extroverts bring cut-throat ambition and hidden motives to a secluded airbnb in the Tennessee woods.

​​One by one, these sweet Southern influencers wear each other down with passive aggressive compliments like, “Don’t feel too bad about your highlights. Blond is really hard to get right.” Or, “Gosh, you are so brave to wear that. Who cares what’s in fashion anyway?!”​

Eventually the power goes out, and one by one, the women start disappearing – but not before posting cryptic clues and salacious secrets about the other women on their very public feeds. Followers get involved, bloodshed ensues.

As you can maybe tell, going away with women creates anxiety in me. I think some of it is worrying I’ll accidentally offend someone – what if my loving and hilarious impression of someone’s adorable quirk cuts wrong, and they break down crying??

It’s also because I’m easily overstimulated being around newish people for extended amounts of time. How will I survive if my sacred bedtime routine gets tossed?

As a highly sensitive person, I require a lot of time alone to recharge and gather my thoughts to fully enjoy myself with others. So the lead up to the weekend felt like a free fall into uncontrollable, intense conversations, noise and programming.

Photo Credit: http://jordanmcdonaldphotography.com

But honestly, I shouldn’t have worried. These heart-centered women were welcoming, kind, and, dare I say, affectionate!

We belly laughed so hard that a certain embarrassing (possibly demonic?) wheezing sound escaped my throat. I could not stop the sound, nor predict when it was coming. (We decided I have asthma.)

Each time the cow-like lowing would emerge from my mouth, everyone would fall to the floor laughing – because it was so dang weird. I was essentially throat farting…against my will.

“Should we call 911?” they asked through giggling tears.

We did not call 911. But dang – it felt good to laugh that hard.

This week, I’ve been turning over in my mind magical moments from the weekend like:

• Lauren @upwardlydependent gently gluing false eyelashes on me while cooing how pretty I am.

• Kayla @liturgiesforparents exclaiming “Oh my gosh. You REALLY are the person you are in your videos. You are so fun!”

• Indi @indianna gleefully shouting over the 80’s music at the college bar, “You are a great dancer. I’m somatically ‘Yes And’-ing you!” as she expertly mirrored my twitching across the floor.

• Tara @tarabremer hugging me each morning and whispering “I love you so frigging much!” while stroking my hair.

These younger gals were mothering me and affirming me! For free!

Let this be a testimony to the fact that affirmations can help thaw an anxious, sensitive heart – and do their part to chip away at the false beliefs that threaten to separate us from each other.

Maybe you suffer from the shame-drenched question common to many: “Am I Enough?” It seems to be a primal wound of being raised a female in a broken world.

My self-critical voice asks a different, but equally harmful question over and over in my head.

Am I Too Much? Am I too dramatic, too sensitive, or too intense? Do I think too deeply and care too much about things that don’t matter to most people?

It’s an ongoing journey to rewrite the false beliefs I took away from a complicated childhood with distracted folks who didn’t quite know what to make of me or my relational needs.

But affirmations help!

Fair Warning: Spicy Ones™ inherently mistrust affirmations. Giving them won’t always be a positive experience for you. They will ask for proof and details. Don’t bother with generic praise. They may ignore your beautiful description of their goodness. Do it anyway!

Often, it’s our intention and manner that matters more than the specific word choice.

If you’re not sure what to say to your child that will affirm them, a good starting place is asking yourself what you would have liked to hear when you were little. What did you crave to hear from the people raising you? Say that!

Rooting for you!

Mary

P.S. For 20 affirmation script ideas, download this free Valentines PDF and look at the edges.