3 qualities of a Spicy One™ (plus a free quiz)
Scroll down for your free “Is Your Child a Spicy One?” quiz!
My client, Savanah, didn’t need a quiz to describe her daughter as, “Nonstop. Always touching things. Falls apart at bedtime. Won’t go to sleep. Unpredictably hungry at times. In public, she hangs on me, hides behind me, and refuses to speak to or interact with anyone unless she’s comfortable. It’s so frustrating! What am I doing wrong?”
Savanah wasn’t doing anything wrong and neither was her child. These descriptions were accurate but essentially just neutral observations of her temperament.
Temperament is a collection of 9 inborn traits that make up our personalities; they don’t require fixing.
(Heads up: privileged metaphor coming your way. Send me a better one, please!)
Temperaments are like the factory settings on a brand new car, they are pre-programmed. We can lament that our sporty vehicle doesn’t have auto-drive like our neighbor’s Tesla, or we can choose unbridled joy at the beauty of light pouring into our drooping sun roof.
To use a Buddhist quote, "Pain is inevitable in life. Suffering is a choice."
The more we can be aware of our child’s factory settings like activity level, bodily function regularity and inherent first reaction to a new situation, the less we waste our inner resources on resisting them. Here's what I mean:
Activity level. A high activity level score means you are full of excessive energy and have a constant need to move the body. It’s not a sign of disrespect when this child cannot sit still when you're talking to them, their physiology is compelling them to move! When they act wild, it is often their body’s way to work out their upset feelings and regulate themselves.
Regularity. A child with low regularity might be hungry at midnight or resist going to bed at the same time every night. They can be hard to predict. This can be challenging when you like schedules and predictability and want to provide needed structure.
First Reaction. This is your child’s natural adaptability. A child with a high first reaction will come into a new situation and feel apprehension and possibly anxiety. They find it stressful when plans change. Transitions are overwhelming, so running multiple errands might feel difficult with this child. The slow-to-warm-up ones also aren't ready to dash off into the circle to make small talk with strangers.
Trying to parent these quirks out of her child was part of why Savanah was utterly worn out.
May you find ways to embrace the child you have, and may you work through the triggering manifestations of your child’s pre-wired factory settings!
So, what are your child’s factory settings? Take my temperament quiz to find out here: Freebie+Temperament+Quiz.pdf
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In Case You Missed It
Last week on Instagram, parents of Spicy Ones™ came together in solidarity to discuss (and share some giggles) about their children’s propensity to make play scapes that are more Chuckie-like than Little House on the Prairie…
