5 Tips to Make Mom Friends
If you feel alone and isolated this holiday season, I want you to know that I get it.
And you are not alone.
I’ve heard from hundreds of you on Instagram this past week about how deeply lonely your experience of motherhood has been.
The general epidemic of loneliness takes its toll across subsections of society – and it’s particularly pernicious when it comes to mothers of young children.
(To say nothing of the added difficulties we face making mom friends when our child isn’t exactly…the most chill.)
I once had a doctor tell me that driving while exhausted was the same as driving inebriated. I nodded soberly and swallowed any protests that tried to come out of my mouth in response. He clearly didn’t get it.
When I told my mom friends, we just threw our heads back and cackled. What the hell are we supposed to do then, sir?! Never leave the house???
Just me and my pickle ball friends, reaping the rewards of tip number three below!
Social media helps some with the sense of disconnection, but it can also contribute to feeling even more separated from ourselves and the people around us.
Watching life events through a screen instead of in-person can deepen a sense of loneliness. And when we default to sharing only the shiny, happy moments, it makes the lows of life seem even more unmentionable.
Even communities that tout the benefits of intergenerational support seem to lean heavily on the mothers currently in the trenches to provide everyone else the benefit of the presence of cute, bubbly young humans. (Actually, no, I’m not available to help in the nursery! I need a freakin’ break!)
So, I’ll say it again: if you’re feeling isolated this holiday season, I want you to hear: you are not alone.
Here are five things that have helped me develop deep friendships over the years.
Overnights! Say yes to travel together and overnight girls’ trips, even if they scare you. It’s awkward for me. But I’m always glad I went. PJ time is the deal maker.
Prioritize play. Sitting at meals can only get you so far in a friendship. Get up and out on adventures (acro yoga anyone?!) and let your freak flags fly!
Automate hangouts: Set up recurring SET times to connect so the planning doesn’t become the obstacle keeping you apart. (Book club, weekly pickle ball matches, monthly lunch dates, a monthly phone call every first Saturday at 10 am, etc.)
Meet IRL. Get off Zoom and ditch the group thread — meet up in-person so your bodies can exist side by side. Let your hearts beat and your lungs breathe in synchrony. For long-distance friends, make the effort to visit them! If they are going to be nearby, make the effort to go see them in person.
Be a good friend. Listen more than you talk. Be curious about their life — and then be a steel trap that never tells their info to others. Remember the little details (even if you have to write things in a note on your phone) and set a reminder to follow up.
Use your limited energy to focus on being the kind of friend you wish you had — and don’t be afraid to make the first move!
Anything you’d add? Let’s crowdsource more ideas!
Rooting for you always,
Mary