Embracing Your Child’s Nature
Years ago, I was in a book club with some other young moms. One day, as I arrived and enthusiastically greeted each person around the table, one of the women snidely remarked, “You can’t just come in and sit down, can you, Mary? You have to make your GRAND entrance.”
Ouch. Perhaps she was naturally a more reserved person, slow to warm up, and my greeting felt too intense for her. Or maybe her natural tendencies were similar to mine, but she’d felt stifled in the past. My openness might have reminded her of shame she’d experienced previously when expressing joy.
Either way, when people cast a moral judgment on our natural temperament, it can feel crushing to hear.
These days, I’m part of a group of women who play pickleball. They truly cherish me for me – all of me. When I’m dramatic and excited about something, I can sense their delight in my zestfulness. Their love is life-giving.
We can usually tell when someone adores us for who we are and when they are doing everything they can not to act as irritated as they feel.
You can learn to bless your child’s Spiciness instead of cursing it.
I want you to create a family culture where your Spicy One™ feels like even the most fierce parts of them are welcomed and enjoyed.
Anyone who has observed siblings for a few moments knows that even identical twins are very much born different. One sibling can be a daredevil, always up to try something new. The other is more cautious and watchful. One child completely melts down at an unexpected change in plans while their sibling excitedly starts plotting a new itinerary.
Your child’s personality is as innate to them as their hair color. And no matter what it is, it’s GOOD.
My Free Temperament Quiz is here to help you understand aspects of your child’s makeup that are part of their unique disposition.
In her book about spirited children, Mary Sheedy explains that each child’s personality is a combination of nine traits that make up their overall temperament.
There’s a certain amount of relief that comes from knowing your child’s tendencies are intrinsically wired – that their explosiveness or even negativity is a factory setting that isn’t yours to control or stamp out, but to accept lovingly and help shepherd into maturity.
But it ain’t always easy.
Loving our children requires commitment to growing our understanding of their uniqueness as we guide them into greater flourishing.
This can especially be difficult when your child’s temperament clashes with your own. It makes sense you have a hard time connecting with someone so different from you – or on the flip side, someone so similar to you.
If embracing your child’s nature feels impossible on some (or most!) days, you’re truly not alone. I was once in your exact shoes with my own Spicy One™.
That’s why I created Moms of Spicy Ones™ – my 8-week group coaching program for parents just like you. Parents who want to grow in their capacity to love their children – and themselves – well.
Get ready to hear more about that next week when MOSO opens for Fall. I’d love to help you in any way I can to make your journey less heavy and more joyful.
In Case You Missed It
Last week on Instagram, I asked for recommendations for resources for dads and it spurred a delightful conversation:
Here are 3 parenting resources for men:
Wishing you a calm and connected week!