Five tips for Anxiety in kids
I saw the new Inside Out movie! (Don’t worry – no spoilers here.)
It was so good! And I wanna talk about it – so I’m pushing our juicy screen time discussions to next week.
First off, I think the movie is best suited for 10+ (often a good rule of thumb for age-appropriateness is the age of the protagonist – main character Riley is entering puberty in this one). I do think some slightly younger kids could handle it with your help unpacking the themes.
The original Inside Out movie is a cartoonish look at how humans’ core emotions -- Joy, Anger, Sadness, Fear, and Disgust -- function behind the scenes.
In Inside Out 2, Riley’s brain gets a pre-pubescent remodel and we’re introduced to some new characters – including the tricky emotion Anxiety.
The root of anxiety is fear of being out of control of the future.
While personifying anxiety as a silly-looking character makes it humorous (humor can be a helpful way to navigate challenging emotions!), often our anxious thoughts can seem quite reasonable to us. Maybe something to discuss with your older kids!
Since our Spicy Ones often experience ALL their emotions on hyperdrive, I want to give you a few pointers for helping our children learn to navigate their anxiety.
Five tips for helping kids manage anxious thoughts:
Tip #1:
Use calming techniques.
One of my Instagram followers pointed out that after Riley’s panic attack, when Joy takes back over the control panel in Riley’s brain, Riley goes through a quick version of a common grounding technique.
Thumb: she felt the bench with her hand.
Pointer finger: she listened to the skates on the ice.
Middle Finger: she felt the stick hitting her puck.
Index finger: she inhaled through her nose.
Pinkie: She noticed the cold air on her neck.
This classic tool or box breathing, tapping, and other nervous system regulation skills can be helpful for soothing an anxious body.
Tip #2:
Practice harnessing their imagination.
Help them practice thinking of other more positive possible outcomes than the one they are worried about.
One of my favorite games to play with kids ages 6-12 to practice this concept is called “Fortunately, Unfortunately.” You can play with 2+ players, and you basically start a story and go line by line – each line alternates beginning with the word, “fortunately” or “unfortunately.” For example, unfortunately, the doctor may decide to give me a shot. Fortunately, he may decide you are the perfect human specimen and invite you on a world tour to introduce your body to the scientific community. (You can introduce this game to even younger kids with this sweet book.)
Tip #3:
Model being present with tough emotions.
You teach your child to trust themselves to handle scary things when you don’t default to distracting them from their big feelings.
Help them learn to discern the difference between coping with tough emotions and suppressing them using food or screens. If you’ve taken time to name the emotion and describe the sensations in your body, it’s more likely that you’re coping and not suppressing.
Tip #4:
Acknowledge feelings, but don’t give in to fear.
Sometimes we exacerbate anxiety by habitually making accommodations (like when I said yes to a 14-year-old sleeping on my floor for a month). This caretaking can unintentionally reinforce a fear in your child. A parent swooping in to rescue a child from something that makes them anxious can solidify (in their mind) that there is indeed a reason to be scared.
Listen to their experience, and then express your confidence in their abilities.
Here’s an example of what that can sound like, “I hear you. You’re scared right now. It’s okay to be scared. And – you can do hard or scary things.” Bonus if you have a few recent examples of them doing hard or scary things successfully to point to!
Tip #5:
Scaffold progress.
When trying new things, don’t offer too many challenges simultaneously. I like to use the one foot in calm, one foot in chaos method – make sure there is a skill they are confident in as a base and then add a small stretch skill they are working on. This way they don’t get too far outside their comfort zone and freeze up.
What did I miss? What strategies do you use to combat anxiety in yourself or your kids? Please share.
Rooting for you!
Mary
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