Most likely to carry an extra tampon…
I’ve got some pep in my step because I just hosted my Spicy One and her college friends. Picture five 19-year-olds giggling, dancing, sleeping, and eating in my home for four days.
As I did my best impression of an over-eager Downton Abbey servant during a royal visit, I also leaned into the opportunity to get to know my daughter’s new friends on a deeper level.
Here are four things I did that helped make this long-as-heck playdate enjoyable. I hope you can apply them to your kid gatherings as well.
1. Strewing
Strewing is leaving something out for others (in this case college students) to discover on their own that might pique their interest. This popular unschooling approach has you strategically placing things out in the public area, on the floor or table to see if it might spark some cool play.
Sometimes it hits, sometimes it doesn't. The point is, there’s no pressure.
I carefully laid out the Oove, my weird balancing squishy yoga toy and, perhaps not surprisingly, not a single girl touched it.
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Meanwhile, the Enneagram book with a quiz for each type called The Road Back To You was a huge hit.
Bonus: I now know so much more about all my Spicy One’s besties! Here’s the free test if you haven’t delved into this fun self-exploration yet.
I put out some cardboard I kept from a package along with Sharpies and by day two some serious art and written communication had started. The Mild Child even joined the fun!
2. Set the Vibe
One of my hosting mantras is "music at all times." It communicates that the common area is open for business and invites folks to come hang out!
Here’s my playlist for creating a Warm & Friendly Vibe with every single song being new to me in the last six months. (No oldies here, but a few with some bad words so listener beware!)
Pro tip: I shamelessly Shazam music when we’re out and about (it’s an app that tells you what song you’re hearing). One teenager this weekend said she wished her mom would listen to this kind of music “so they could vibe together.”
You can move towards your child in a tangible way by embracing their music.
3. Be Playful
If the relationships are new, be open to starting the play yourself. Your participation can make all the difference between a shy screen palooza situation and some hilarious, connecting memories.
I took the gals to a local pickleball court and showed them how to play. We had a portable speaker blaring and were eventually asked by our neighbors to play something other than the Mamma Mia soundtrack. (Hey the girls chose it – not me!)
Another day, I made up a game based on a TikTok trend called “Who is Most Likely?”
Rules of Who is Most Likely:
Players all close their eyes while the game master reads out a question. Everyone has to point at one friend (and never themselves) in the circle. Game master starts each question with “Point to the person in this group who is most likely to ________. Point now. 5…4…3…2…1. Open your eyes.”
Extra points if you read the question in an Alexa voice. Allow for conversation and storytelling between each question. Here are 20 questions to get you started…
Of the lovely women assembled here, Who is Most Likely To..
Volunteer to drive?
Travel on their own in Europe?
Get in a long conversation with a down and out somewhat sketchy dude?
Wash their face after a night out no matter how late it is or tired they are?
Pick up the phone when they know you need to cry to someone?
Keep your secret and not tell other people no matter how juicy?
Think that exams and/or personality tests are low key fun?
Hike the Pacific Trail and sleep under the stars?
Plan the entire girls trip itinerary along with finding a perfect Airbnb?
Give an Irish goodbye at a party and slip out unnoticed?
Tell you that you have spinach in your teeth?
Let the gas tank get as empty as possible before stopping to fill it up?
Start teaching yoga classes? Become a spin instructor?
Enter politics and head up a community initiative?
Read an entire book in a weekend?
Always have their nails painted?
Have extra snacks and tampons on hand to share with the rest of us?
Be attracted to an engineer or math major?
Discover an amazing find at the grungiest thrift store?
Run a marathon?
4. Observe
Listen more than you talk.
One way to listen is to take notes. To capture all the zany facts they were sharing, I started a quote board with everyone’s name on it where we all started adding details we knew or learned about each person.
I learned so much teen slang from their visit!
Like what “mutuals” are. (A smart way to widen your friend network – if you meet someone who also has a friend in real life or a “follow” in common on social media, it’s like getting a mini stamp of approval from someone you already know!)
I learned about the Frat Boy Flick. This is the bare minimum dance that guys in college do now. Picture a dude just standing there still with one arm stretched out above his head. The only thing moving is his wrist and three fingers in a flicking motion. Fascinating.
Yes, it was intoxicating to be in a girl gang of 19-year-olds. I wanted to turn on the charm and win them over – but these are my daughters’ friends, not mine.
There is a fine line between, “Wow, your mom is really fun and welcoming!” and “Hey mom, can you give us a little space? You’re acting like these are your friends.”
You know the cringey mom from Mean Girls? She’s my anti-muse. I channel her as an excellent example of who NOT to be. So whenever the girls headed out of the common areas, I gave them space by retreating into my bedroom to consume copious amounts of Love is Blind.
As I dropped them at LAX this morning on their way to the treacherous spring break territory of Cabo, Mexico, I said a blessing aloud asking God that they would never be separated and that they would have patience and generosity for each other.
I thanked God for the gift of having their buoyant spirits in my space. I expressed gratitude that my leader of a child has found a coven of kind and thoughtful women to be friends with.
The Spicy Ones are going to be ok.
Have a lovely week!