You Don’t Say [Gay]
It’s that time of year again!
If you were my marketing manager (I don’t actually have one), you might have been surprised around Christmas when I posted an impromptu Reel on Instagram about grieving the current and historical rejection of LGBTQ+ Christians in many church spaces.
And, if you were my marketing manager, you might have cringed last Sunday evening when I ad libbed in Insta Stories about the 1946 Project, a documentary that uncovers how the word “homosexual” only entered modern translations in (you guessed it!) 1946. (Before then, those six clobber verses more clearly denounced only pedophilic relationships.)
All that is because (if you were my marketing manager) you’d know that my readers — you all — are an eclectic group of humans!
We’ve got secular humanists among us, devout Catholics, Buddhists, and other detangling Christians like myself here – and anything and everything in between.
So, it’d be downright silly for me to bring up topics that are only relevant to a minority of my followers who identify as evangelical. Right?
Any newbies around here who aren’t interested in religion as it relates to parenting, rest assured this is not my usual content.
But as a Spicy One™ myself, sometimes this is what we do – Spicy Ones stick up for the underdog.
(If you’re parenting a Spicy One, this may be one of the positives to your kids’ temperaments!)
Approximately once a year, I post about my status as a “detangling Christian.”
And I do so intentionally. Because I want to do right by the kids out there. I want to faithfully follow Christ.
And, perhaps most importantly, I want all kids growing up Christian and closeted to be safe.
And so – I’m loud and proud (and sometimes a little Spicy) about being an affirming, Progressive Christian.
Here’s the dealio. If you’re reading this as an evangelical, and it’s making your head all swirly trying to reconcile the helpful parenting things I post with my Progressive beliefs, that’s okay. I honor that.
I do NOT assert that my experience of the Evangelical church applies to every church. Or to your church.
Your expression of your unique faith is not under attack! I carry no judgment or authority on your faith walk.
I am sharing MY experience from the four different evangelical churches I have been a member of over the last 22 years.
If knowing this about me makes you feel uncomfortable about me speaking into your parenting, I respect that.
And….I'm not at all interested in a back-and-forth biblical argument. I am very content with my private relationship with a radically inclusive God.
But if you’re like many of us who came up evangelical and you’re wrestling with some cognitive dissonance when it comes to how best to love your neighbors in America in 2024, well, welcome to the party.
We’re gettin’ our butts back into the Beatitudes, babe! And we're finding blessing in humility and the pursuit of justice for those who have been historically marginalized by the church – Black and brown people, queer folx, women, et al.
If this is you, too, as promised in the caption of my Reel, here are my top three Instagram account recommendations for my fellow detangling Christian parents.
Host of the kid’s podcast Ask Away, Meredith also has a Substack newsletter called Kids and Faith that’s chock full of helpful resources and reframes for parents moving away from concepts like penal substitutionary atonement and original sin. But even if you don’t wrestle with the nerdy theological terms themselves, her practical advice and her new book Woven will help you cultivate a nurturing faith environment that your kids don’t have to heal from.
I recently went live on Instagram with Sheila to discuss her book She Deserves Better. (She also has a highly researched book called The Great Sex Rescue all about recovering God’s true intentions for intimacy and marriage.) Sheila and her daughter Rebecca host the Bare Marriage podcast – but her book She Deserves Better specifically looks at how to avoid sending harmful messages to our children – especially our daughters – when it comes to sex and sexuality. If you’re recovering from purity culture or are just intimidated about talking to your kids about sex, Sheila and her team over at BareMarriage.com have you covered.
Reimagine: Parenting After Deconstruction
@parentingafterdeconstruction
From their website: Are you a parent looking for support on your deconstruction journey? A progressive church looking for a children’s and youth curriculum that aligns with your values? I know how hard it is to find! Here you will find age-appropriate spiritual development activities that are theologically sound, LGBTQIA+ affirming, and filled with of a spirit of curiosity.
If you made it this far, what do you believe about a higher power? How do your beliefs impact your parenting?
There is room for not having all the answers here.
Wherever you are – I’m rooting for you!
Mary
P.S. The next round of my eight-week group coaching program for Moms of Spicy Ones™ is starting soon! Click here to get early access to the course when it opens -- plus an exclusive discount for wait listers!
P.P.S. Here is a list of 20+ people I follow on Instagram who have helped me sift through the rubble to save my tender faith. They can unpack Progressive theology way better than I can.
Who should I add? Please email me back, and let me know!
@deconstructingpurityculture