Your script for Mother’s Day Boundaries
Oh, I’m sure you’re not surprised when I tell you that I hear some wild and crazy stories out on these internet streets! And they sure do ramp up when Mother’s Day approaches.
Kennedy remembers staying home with her 6-month-old and 2-year-old on Mother’s Day because her mother-in-law insisted her son take her to a white tablecloth restaurant…alone.
Janet dreads Mother’s Day because she will have to somehow plan and attend events to make both her mother and mother-in-law feel honored, despite having a lack of creativity, time and sleep as as result of raising rowdy preschoolers and working from home.
It’s enough to make me pen an imaginary letter to the mentor moms entitled: “Grandma, what are you doing?!”.
Your season of showy adoration is over.
Yes, we honor you and appreciate our elders. But the women who need the rest and affirmation are the ones currently on active duty - they are in the trenches, doubting themselves and desperately wanting to feel like they are enough.
Shouldn't it make sense to allow the focus to land on the one in the thick of the labor rather than yourself?
Unfortunately, letting go of the way things have always been done is harder for some than for others.
If you are having a hard time starting the conversation about Mother’s Day expectations with your mom, try something like this:
Hey Mom!
Listen, I want to talk to you about something. I am so thankful for the mom that you’ve been (and are!) and the celebrations we’ve had in the past. You are the reason I am the mom I am today.
Now that I am a mom, it’s time for me to let my children express their appreciation for me. It’s time for me to have my Mother’s Day, and yet I want to make sure that you feel good and loved. So, how do we do this? Do we each have our own day or maybe do we celebrate you on grandmother’s day? (Pause here and leave some space for her to catch up)
I really want to have the quintessential Mother’s Day experience where I spend it with my family and my children get to express their appreciation for me - you know, what you had when your children were young. But I thought it was important to keep you in the loop because I know there’s some expectation that we travel to you, and this year I don’t want to do that. I would like to have my own Mother’s Day. I guess I just want your permission for passing that baton.”
That’s your homework this week: have the conversation, discuss expectations, and set boundaries ahead of time so that Mother’s Day can be a day of connection rather than resentment.
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