Burning Questions by State
The parents I meet on the Internet, often raise their Spicy One while suspicious of their own wounded intuition. They seek out people they perceive to be experts. Like me.
Many of the questions that parents, like you, pose seem like requests for factual data. But there is anxiety and concern wrapped up inside each question. A foundational assumption that what you are doing must be wrong.
The specifics of our inherent fear and self-mistrust change depending on the area of the U.S. we come from. Multiple Montana parents steeped in a western cowboy lifestyle have Googled “How do you put a kid to sleep in 40 seconds?” Beach-bound Florida parents want to know, “How do you help a child lose weight without making them feel bad?” To read the Most Googled Parenting Question in each of the 50 states*, scroll to the bottom of this email.
If only I could go deeper than what is asked and answer the question underneath the question. The aching in your heart that wonders, "Am I a good enough parent?"
YES, YOU ARE A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT.
I feel an aching empathy for all parents across the globe, up late, propped over a computer screen researching the “right” way to parent. Unfortunately, most private concerns that keep us up at night, contain no hard or fast rule. If they did, we'd know what to do! It’s going to depend on your family’s dynamics, your resources, and your unique values.
Because I can't resist...
Dear Arizona: No, there is no legal age in your state for when a child can be left alone. That decision must be based on their maturity and comfort and your assessment of their safety. Unfortunately, a parent is responsible for any decisions their emotional 12-year-old makes while unsupervised. I know you need a break and childcare is expensive. I’m sorry you have to figure this out alone.
Dear Hawaii: Don’t worry, most children stop growing between the ages of 16 and 18, when the ends of their bones begin to fuse. However, the exact age depends on a number of factors, including genetics, diet, and sleep. (Between the ages of 14 and 15, boys grow extremely fast and will eat you out of house and home. It's normal. Your child is normal!).
Rooting for you,
Mary
