Does a spicy one poop in the woods?
When I arrived home from four days of camping on Sunday, dusty and stinky, my husband naively asked for the highlights.
As I stepped into the shower, I beamed, “besides the fact that I bravely pooped – not once, but three times in the woods?”
(I’m a Spicy One. We are rejuvenated by surviving hardships and novelty.)
“Yes – besides that,” he replied, amused. His weirdo was home again. (That’s me!)
“Oh, all the playfulness! Definitely! No Wi-Fi. No deadlines. No emails. Just 45 humans hanging out in a temporary tent village without stress. We were all so playful.”
As the shower began to soak my hair, I told him about all the Spicy Ones at camp.
BEAN QUEEN
Like the wild first grader with muddy bare feet and a “smart mouth“ as my mom used to say. She was running the show with kids several years older than her.
Standing in line for dinner (taco night!) around shared picnic tables, she shouted, “I love black beans! I’m gonna eat SO many!”
I looked at the one pot of beans for dozens of campers and said reflexively, “Make sure to take just one spoonful so there’s enough for everyone.”
Turns out, being Firm is my superpower. The other foundational parenting skills (Calm and Kind) are the ones I need practice on!
The excitement on the Spicy Ones face faded and was quickly replaced with puckered up persistence.
She looked straight in my eyes and said, “I’m going to pick up the pot and drink every one of those black beans until they go all the way down into my stomach.”
This is a classic spicy one move of escalation.
We were both silent for a beat.
I was searching my hungry brain for a move that would connect us and take us out of this childish game of chicken. I knew I wanted to respond playfully.
Hint: the playful response is usually a non-rational one. It can be singing your words or using an accent or a much lower or higher octave than you naturally speak. It can be misusing an object to show your buffoonery. But it is never a Power Over move. That backfires.
I began to whimper softly at first. “Now I’m never gonna get to try beans! I’ll be forced to live a bean-free existence. And I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.” My fake crying became fake sobbing and I wiped pretend tears from under my eyes.
A smile stretched out on the Spicy Ones chapped lips. She tilted her chin up and said with a regal defiance, “That’s right! You’ll never have another bean ever again!”
Later, she carefully served herself a single spoonful of beans, and she was my shadow for the rest of the trip.
Play is the fastest way to connect with a child.
Dear [FIRST NAME GOES HERE],
When I arrived home from four days of camping on Sunday, dusty and stinky, my husband naively asked for the highlights.
As I stepped into the shower, I beamed, “besides the fact that I bravely pooped – not once, but three times in the woods?”
(I’m a Spicy One. We are rejuvenated by surviving hardships and novelty.)
“Yes – besides that,” he replied, amused. His weirdo was home again. (That’s me!)
“Oh, all the playfulness! Definitely! No Wi-Fi. No deadlines. No emails. Just 45 humans hanging out in a temporary tent village without stress. We were all so playful.”
As the shower began to soak my hair, I told him about all the Spicy Ones at camp.
BEAN QUEEN
Like the wild first grader with muddy bare feet and a “smart mouth“ as my mom used to say. She was running the show with kids several years older than her.
Standing in line for dinner (taco night!) around shared picnic tables, she shouted, “I love black beans! I’m gonna eat SO many!”
I looked at the one pot of beans for dozens of campers and said reflexively, “Make sure to take just one spoonful so there’s enough for everyone.”
Turns out, being Firm is my superpower. The other foundational parenting skills (Calm and Kind) are the ones I need practice on!
The excitement on the Spicy Ones face faded and was quickly replaced with puckered up persistence.
She looked straight in my eyes and said, “I’m going to pick up the pot and drink every one of those black beans until they go all the way down into my stomach.”
This is a classic spicy one move of escalation.
We were both silent for a beat.
I was searching my hungry brain for a move that would connect us and take us out of this childish game of chicken. I knew I wanted to respond playfully.
Hint: the playful response is usually a non-rational one. It can be singing your words or using an accent or a much lower or higher octave than you naturally speak. It can be misusing an object to show your buffoonery. But it is never a Power Over move. That backfires.
I began to whimper softly at first. “Now I’m never gonna get to try beans! I’ll be forced to live a bean-free existence. And I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.” My fake crying became fake sobbing and I wiped pretend tears from under my eyes.
A smile stretched out on the Spicy Ones chapped lips. She tilted her chin up and said with a regal defiance, “That’s right! You’ll never have another bean ever again!”
Later, she carefully served herself a single spoonful of beans, and she was my shadow for the rest of the trip.
CHORE GENIUSES
I woke on the last day to several third and fourth graders outside my tent.
“If I gather three more sticks can I have a promotion?“ I heard one ask near my left ear at 7 a.m.
“Yes,” came the reply from another one somewhere behind me.
“As manager, I choose all the best workers, but only one can be my assistant. Not everyone gets a promotion.”
Wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I realize they are cosplaying capitalism as they gather firewood.
Play makes mundane things in life more manageable.
Adults tend to teach kids about chores with a stern seriousness and a practiced stiff upper lip. But kids can make a game out of anything. We could stand to learn from them in this regard!
Hint: When assigning a chore, embody your inner Ms. Potts vibe from Beauty and the Beast. Be our guest be our guest, be our guest! She is delighted to serve and grateful for the elements in her home that deserve maintaining.
FIRE FANATICS
For a Spicy One, the best part of camping is how chill the adults are – but also the unfettered access to fire. (Okay, it’s mostly the fire!)
Building a fire and throwing things into it is an opportunity to interact with destruction and chaos in a low-stakes, socially acceptable way. Destruction and chaos are what Spicy One dreams are made of.
Spicy Ones also like to perform! On the last night, a couple teens with a guitar and violin began to practice Linger by the Cranberries under a clump of evergreens in preparation to sing around the campfire.
I asked if they needed back up singers. They did. We danced and sang together for the remainder of the evening.
Making music together or listening to it is play. Moving to music is certainly play!
PLAY OUTSIDE THE BOX
Earlier in the week we hiked in the national park -- all 45 of us.
The march up the mountain felt like a slog, so several teen girls and I clambered off of the dusty trail to walk the shallow stream washing over the flat granite. It led to a deep and cold swimming hole.
We laid around in various goddess poses and let the California sun bake us.
Then we squealed as we tried to submerge in the frozen water. We screamed so loud, the others found us.
Play is loud. Play is messy and unpredictable. Play takes you off the beaten path. Play signals safety – there’s nothing to be afraid of here.
May you find many magical moments of playfulness this week!
Rooting for you,
Mary