Did you join the February Love Challenge?

In case you missed it, the assignment was to write a beautiful truth about your child every day from February 1-14. Then, either gradually or all at once, post these truths on your child’s door or mirror.

The good news: The pictures and stories shared were so tender and made me teary-eyed! (Check the “This Week” highlight on my Instagram to see them before they expire).

The bad news: A lot of folks opted out because they felt intimidated at the thought of coming up with multiple affirmations per child. If you weren’t ready this time around, that's okay!

You aren’t supposed to innately know how to affirm, it’s a learned skill!

Just like you would never hand your kid a bike and expect them to immediately know how to ride it, you can’t just suddenly decide to write affirmations if you’ve never been taught how to affirm well. So, may I teach you?

Here are some guidelines and examples:

1. Name what you see in your child. We are all longing to be seen fully for who we are, for the goodness in us. Simply name the good you see.

"You sure have a way with that dog."
"You are a fierce wrestler."
"You are kind."
"You are fun to spend time with."
"You are worthy of so much care."

2. Focus on inner character and passions over desirable behavior. This is not a sneaky form of behavior- management. This is paying attention to the values you know are important to your child and putting into words the inner strengths you see.

"You are a wonderful storyteller. Your gift for the dramatic means you tell a story in a way that is fun to listen to."
"You went right up to that teacher and expressed what you needed. That took a lot of courage."
"I love how you bring color and creativity to everyday things."
"That game you made up helped make chore time fun for everyone. You have a knack for being playful."
"You are a protector. You look out for the underdog and I see that when you stick up for your friends."

3. Be specific. When affirming any human, the more specific the better. Providing details lets your child know you really mean what you are saying. It helps confirm to them that you are really talking about them as individuals, not just throwing around words that sound nice (this is often especially important for a Spicy One™).

"The way you use your bendy thumbs to make people amazed brings a smile to my face."
"You are good at telling us what you need. Your persistence in speaking up about your body is admirable."
"The way you can tie so many knots with your string kit shows your hard work and dedication to something you love."

4. Affirm without expectations, or a need to be thanked. You are doing this because you want to show love and help your child develop a compassionate inner voice. Not because you want something in return. See yourself as a patient gardener here, cultivating your soil and trusting that growth is happening even when you don’t see it. Avoid the temptation to give up if they don’t respond how you’d hoped. Let them marinate in the fierce kindness you are cultivating.

"You practiced patience with your brother when he knocked over your creation. He is lucky to have your friendship."
"You are easy to love."
"You are affectionate with your friends."
"Your energy and enthusiasm brings fun to our home."

I will admit that speaking these affirmations out loud can feel awkward, especially when the Spicy One™ stares at you with a grumpy face in reply.

Consider taking notes in your phone in real time as you notice positive aspects of your child. “ Trust your intuition as to whether giving these affirmations in writing or saying them out loud as they’re falling asleep feels most doable. Every human wants to be seen and known, and that starts in our original family.

I see you working so hard to be a connected, respectful parent. I am inspired by your commitment!

May I challenge you to not wait until next Valentine’s day to flex your words of affirmation muscle?

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

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In Case You Missed It

This week I had a designer take last week's Repair recipe steps and make a fancy pdf, just for you!

If you'd like to download the Repair PDF, click here.

Also, if you missed the conversation on Instagram this week, we talked about how to respond to children lying. There's nothing like a great book to serve as a conversation starter!