You are good enough and people like you
Have you ever been Han Solo’d by your Spicy One®?
I’ll explain. It’s 1980. I’m nine and watching my most favorite scene in The Emperor Strikes Back, curled up on the old, red corduroy couch in my oak-paneled childhood basement. The princess and Hans have been through so much together, and now stormtroopers have him handcuffed and are dragging him off to be frozen alive.The up-til-now stoic Leia realizes she may never, ever see him again.
“I love you!” she blurts out in a confession that seems to surprise her most of all.
Harrison Ford delivers his iconic and not-even-slightly cocky, “I know.”And he is whisked away to be ensconced in ice. Pretty sure Han is a Spicy One.
My own Spicy One got me good just last week. As we finished a movie together on her first night back on fall break, she split her attention between the big screen on the wall and the tiny one in her hands. Bright pixels reflected off her fast-scanning pupils, and her thumbs swiped and tapped with adroit precision as she monitored communication across multiple messaging apps. She can’t wait to be with her friends.
As the credits began to roll, I turned to her and gushed, “I have really missed watching movies with you!” As the words escape my lips, I am stunned by the staggering weight that instantly drops into my stomach. This truth, how much I miss my little girl, has been tucked away so deeply, I must’ve forgotten how positively massive the grief was. “I miss you so much,” I stammer.
She replies with a slight smirk. “I know.”
She jumps up from the couch, winks, and heads off to bed. My Han Solo.
Change your internal narrative, and you can change your relationships.
There are two narratives that could be at war in my head.
My daughter flaunts my love in my face.
Or:
My daughter is secure in my love and fully herself with me.
I’ve accepted that the first story exists somewhere in the deeply furrowed pathways of my mind. And I’ve intentionally cultivated the latter over the past decade and a half.
And guess what? Love wins! I love her, and I’m not afraid to feel it. Intensely at times. May you love fiercely without concern for the response.
In solidarity,
Mary