There will be meltdowns before school and tears when you walk away. At the end of their day when your child is returned to you, their little bodies will be wrung out like used pool towels. They have been working non-stop to keep it together all day while being faced with all the strange customs, smells, sensations, novel instructions, and social fears.

Two weeks later, dressed in sequins and holding my teenager's hands while scream-singing with 70,000 other fans, I found myself immersed in what the main character of Taylor Swift feels.

It’s the ordinary, un-fancy moments that comprise the bulk of who our family has been. The unscheduled, unhurried down times were actually enjoyable while in progress. (Like when my Spicy One dragged the kid’s table to the foot of my bed because I was enjoying a slow summer morning.)

If we expect our tweens and teens to be active in "real life", we need to have things for them to do (and we need to stay strong in the face of their boredom).

July 7, 2023. Parenting wisdom is still on hold as I galavant across Italy. In the meantime, may I share Part Two of my "Meet Cute" story?

June 30, 2023. As you read this, we are gallivanting around Florence, Italy, where I originally met Mr. Van Geffen and then went back to get married years later

June 23, 2023. I learned a new word last week: phub.

When you phub someone, you choose to pay attention to your phone/device rather than the person in front of you. Oof. I feel personally attacked.

June 16, 2023. I would welcome the nothingness..... or would I? For kids, boredom is still a familiar sensation that they try to avoid at all costs.

Yet boredom is so valuable in the slow unfurling of self.

It’s a container for human development. A space that you, the parent, do not need to fill.

June 9, 2023. As half of the United States kicks off their summer and the other half winds down the school year, there is a temptation to carry on like it’s "business as usual". It is important to mark the end and acknowledge a new beginning to allow for closure, learning, and any grief that exists beneath the surface (even if it feels a little inconvenient to do so).

June 2, 2023. I remember the first time my child got ensnared in a group texting situation. The gaggle of 8th graders in this thread were ecstatic to finally have the ability to communicate outside of school. Their immature enthusiasm led them to “bomb the chat” with multiple links to questionable memes and long, confusing and irreverent opinions of their teachers.

My introverted mild child began to feel the burden of checking his texts many times an afternoon. (He wasn't allowed to take the iPad to school.)

May 26, 2023. These children have emerged from the pandemic adept at screens but clueless about social and emotional skills. As a quarantine survival mechanism, we let our children have way more access to personal devices than we normally would if thousands of people weren’t dying across the world each day. These were desperate times.

May 19, 2023. There I was, laying facedown on my front lawn and minding my business, when suddenly I heard my husband’s car pull slowly into the driveway and stop a few feet away from my head.

​“What are you doing now?” Mr. Van Geffen said, smirking through the car window as I earthed peacefully.

May 12, 2023. I write this to you from my annual silent retreat. The one where I promised I would not do any work. So essentially, I am disobeying myself, but I do what I want because I’m a Spicy One™.

May 5, 2023. I’m sure you’re not surprised when I tell you that I hear some wild and crazy stories out on these internet streets! And they sure do ramp up when Mother’s Day approaches.

Kennedy remembers staying home with her 6-month-old and 2-year-old on Mother’s Day because her mother-in-law insisted her son take her to a white tablecloth restaurant…alone.

April 28, 2023. Did you know that the founder of Mother’s Day ended up hating the holiday she created? That's right, once it morphed into a consumerism Hallmark day, she was out!

When Anna Jarvis (founder of Mother's Day) spent years lobbying to get the day federally recognized, she envisioned a contemplative time, a liminal day of remembering one’s mother and expressing gratitude for her impact. A day to pause and restore.

April 7, 2023. Did you take my temperament quiz last week? If so, how did it affect your perceptions of your child?

Something magical happens when we can see our child’s temperament as morally neutral instead of wrong or less-than.

March 31, 2023. My client, Savanah, didn’t need a quiz to describe her daughter as, “Nonstop. Always touching things. Falls apart at bedtime. Won’t go to sleep. Unpredictably hungry at times. In public, she hangs on me, hides behind me, and refuses to speak to or interact with anyone unless she’s comfortable. It’s so frustrating! What am I doing wrong?”

Savanah wasn’t doing anything wrong and neither was her child. These descriptions were accurate but essentially just neutral observations of her temperament.

March 24, 2023. We feel a different kind of shame when our child attacks us during a meltdown. Some if it stems from the fact that we would have acted out against our own parent growing up. It wasn’t safe to feel our feelings and lose our cool like that!

Unfortunately, parenting an out-of-control, aggressive child is a big part of raising a Spicy One™.

March 15, 2023. I returned this week from visiting my parents in Pawleys Island, South Carolina.

When I walked in the door, who do you think was the most excited that I was home? Well it was Wally, of course! Wally, my sweet, delinquent fluff ball of a Wheaten Terrier. He was all over me with excitement!

March 10, 2023. I remember the first time I watched a new mom friend use the power of reflective listening with her overheating child.

I think she said something as basic as, “You do not like waiting when your cousin is using the microphone.You like bringing it all around the house and it belongs to you.”